508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
