How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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