Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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