have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
