yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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