2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
