Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
