ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
