Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
