I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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