Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
