There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
