I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
