Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
