We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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