Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
