im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
