yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
