I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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