Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
