there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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