my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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