I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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