I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
