Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
