if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
