My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
