Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Enjoy the penises
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
