not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
