you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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