Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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