Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
