I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
