I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
