I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
