Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
