would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
