I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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