We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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