The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
