..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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