You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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