It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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