Cold hands, warm shart.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
