Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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