do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
