OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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