just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
