Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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