im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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