thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
