I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
foreskin is a definite game changer
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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