Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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