I have demons in me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
