Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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