I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
