she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
