ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
