When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
