Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
