as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize