drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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