hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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