omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize