So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
pray to the hookup gods
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
