I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
