Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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