Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
