she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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