how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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